Pageant Minute: Miss Universe 2011--Preliminary Evening Gowns--The "Oh No You Didn't!" Group!!!

A Universal HOT MESS...

Well, with "The Good" and "The Transparent" , must also come the "Hot Messes", or as I like to say the "Oh No She Didn't" Group. As you know, it's Miss Universe Time!!! The Final Miss Universe 2011 Telecast is TONIGHT--LIVE from the Brazilian MEGAcity São Paulo and in my last two posts I have given my "Nick V" Reviews on my Top Picks as well as the Transparent/Over-Embroidered Trend from seeing the photos and video of last Thursday night's Miss Universe Preliminary Competition.
All right kids, I hate to do this...but here are the Girls Who Should Have Known Better--Evening Gown-wise--I will Section them off by Continental Regions. Let's begin with...

Europe:

Miss Belgium Universe 2011 Justine De Jonckheere: Oh Lordy! She wore this same tacky-licious gown for the "Official Evening Gown Portraits" and ended up in my "Hot Mess" List then. Why would she wear this gown again is beyond me. It looks like a First Semester Fashion School Class Project.

For some reason, Europe had A LOT of messes. What is up with that? Are they having a lack of evening gown designers? Why is the European "Taste Level" for choosing and wearing Evening Gowns--when it comes to Beauty Pageants--just a little bit left of "What Is She Thinking?" After watching so many of these international beauty pageants, I am used to seeing a lot of those "Kooky" Eastern European girls choose gowns that look as if they were made in a one-bedroom apartment with little electricity...but for some reason, this year, this "Kooky" trend has spread throughout the continent--from East to West.

Miss Russia Universe 2011 Natalia Gantimurova: Here's the good part: I love the bustier/top portion and how it's draped; very Dior Haute Couture. But then it all goes Bad Prom Quinceañera from the waist down. It's just such a mess, I don't even know where to begin, other than taking that whole bottom gown section off and replacing it with a clean, fitted section. The garish colors of BLOOD red and muted olive did not help her either.

Miss Spain Universe 2011 Paula Guillo: Oh HUNEY! What is this dress? It's a strapless short mini but...with an iridescent chiffon over-lay being held up by a piece of embroidered applique'. I DO NOT get it. She's such a pretty girl. Why she wanted to look like a "Real Housewives of (fill in the blank)" at a tacky wedding in Atlantic City, is beyond me. No Señorita. Think of what Crown Princess Letizia would have worn...now go change!

Miss Kazakhstan Universe 2011 Valeriya Aleinikova: Yes, I know the Big/Strong Shoulders Trend is very NOW, but not in this manner. While the bias-cut slinky gown portion does flatter her figure, those inset Leg-o-Mutton sleeves, DO NOT. One thing's for sure, "Dynasty" Designer Nolan Miller as well as actresses Joan Collins and Linda Evans...they would be proud!

Miss Portugal Universe 2011 Laura Goncalves: Laura is such a pretty girl. She should have chosen a simpler, more elegant gown. Because this one, just didn't work for me--or for her! The top portion is fine with its criss-cross draped ruching, but then the bottom portion!? WHAT. Is. That. Fabric? And WHY is it on her? It looks like a throw-rug from Walmart's bathroom towels-and-mats section.

Miss Romania Universe 2011 Larisa Popa: Well, well, well, what have we got here? When she came out in this gown, the first thing I noticed was the bright bubblegum pink and apple-green fabrication, and I exclaimed an "All righty then!" Besides the over-abundance of Candy Colors, this one shoulder A-line shaped gown makes her look like a Bridesmaid from 1984 who is heading straight to the Open Bar!

Miss Hungary Universe 2011 Betta Lipcsei: OK, here's another example of the top portion being OK but then it went to Nuclear Wrinkled Taffeta Explosion! How, in the name of the Pageant Gods, did she think--as it was "presented to her" as THE gown she would wear to the Miss Universe Pageant--that this is even cute, elegant and worthy of having a crown being put on her head. It's so big at the bottom, she could hide ten Hungarian 4 year old's under there!

Miss Greece Universe 2011 Iliana Papageorgiou: Iliana is on a lot of pageant-watchers "Favorites" List as a possible contender for tonight's crown. But, not in this gown! It is a cheap polyester satin mess! And are those organza rosettes framing the high-low hem of the gown? No!!! And oh, should I even begin to discuss the turquoise blue pumps? OK, I will. They are FABULOUS! I give her that. And they're perfect when worn with a sexy Herve Leger--or NIKOLAKI mini dress (wink wink!), but NOT, EVER...with this gown.

South America:

Miss Guyana Universe 2011 Kara Lord: OK, this gown is perplexing. She's a Mermaid, I think. There are also design suggestions in this gown of that famous Boticelli painting "The Birth of Venus" (the seashell-looking bust sections, the flora-and-fauna sequined skirt). But then what's in the back? Is she "pooping" (sorry but I had to!), iridescent organza? WHY????? Maybe this is considered an evening gown trend in Guyana but not anywhere else I've been to!

North and Central America:

Miss Canada Universe 2011 Chelsae Durocher: Now, we're onto the "North American Fashion Victims" beginning with Canada. I love the Mermaid shape, but there's something about the fabric and that shoulder-exposing sleeve detail that makes it look cheap, dated and almost home-made. And really, was there a need to place a swirly applique' RIGHT ON HER BUST???!!!

Miss Guatemala 2011 Alejandra Barillas: Oh, Alejandra! At least you are consistent. She wore a mess of a gown for the "Official Evening Gown Portraits" and here she goes again, but this time a different mess of a gown! She's "on trend" with the Transparency thing as well as the strong shoulders, yet the overall effect makes her look like a 50-something year-old wife of a Mobster at a New Jersey Wedding. The side cut-outs, the too-short front, the tacky stretch lace at the THIGH and lower arms...Pobrecita, is what my abuelita would have said!

Miss Costa Rica 2011 Johanna Solano: Finally, last but not least in my "Miss Universe 2011 Hall of Shame Evening Gowns" was this one from the very pretty Johanna, Miss Costa Rica. Is she doing Bizet's "Carmen" in San Jose? The tiered ruffles on the gown are falling FLAT and look like the window drapes of an old lady's house; the rosettes on the torso/bustier are so "Happy Hands at Home"; the middle parted-yet-poufed in the back hairstyle is so 1992 Prom Photo. I wonder if these girls are forced to wear these things or they actually pick them and therefore (I am so scared) have no taste when it comes to wearing gowns...Maybe next time Miss Costa Rica. I know you can make me proud...